Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
