apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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