i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize