never play flip cup with pint glasses
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
