Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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