I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
someone owes me an orgasm
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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