frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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