Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
