didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
