cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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