I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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