and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
