I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
