My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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