When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
