im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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