awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
