batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
