It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize