Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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