How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
