I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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