This girl is more easily done than said...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
