My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Can I color on your dick again?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
