your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
