i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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