Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
