She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
