Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
