I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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