Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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