dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
