if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize