is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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