some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
