You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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