I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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