just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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