This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
