You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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