i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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