It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
do herpes really smell.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
