is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
