I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so let's talk penis.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
