i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize