So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize