did you get engaged???
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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