I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
