I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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