i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
