she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
