So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
