My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
