If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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