Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
