when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
