dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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