It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We have started to decorate penises.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
