I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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