this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
