i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
