and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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