you win again, gameday.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize