Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
