I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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