he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
