I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
