Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
